MYTH-BUSTER: WHAT RESILIENCE MOST DEFINITELY ISN’T

A while back, I saw a post going around with someone saying they didn’t want to be described as resilient because they wanted to be able to feel vulnerable and break down sometimes and not have to just keep going regardless.

My definition of resilience definitely does NOT include not feeling feelings or not stopping when we need to rest or regroup. To me, that sounds like the very opposite of resilience. How about you?

As I see it, feelings – all of them, including uncomfortable, vulnerable and lonely feelings, are at the very heart of true resilience.

When I lived in Tokyo, where earthquakes are common, I was amazed to discover that apartment buildings have rollers built into their foundations. When there is an earthquake, the building can literally roll with what is happening and therefore not crack or fall down. If the architect tried to pretend that earthquakes weren’t part of the reality the building would need to deal with, and didn’t include a rolling foundation, the building would be brittle and vulnerable and sooner or later it would crack and eventually fall down.

The building has resilience built into its design, just like the tree that bends in the wind to survive the storm.

And it’s the same with us. When we realise that all of our feelings are safe to feel, we are naturally resilient and can roll with what’s happening. If we try to pretend that some feelings aren’t part of our reality, we do that thing that gets likened to holding a beach ball under water – we try to not feel them. So they hang around, stuck just below the surface, taking up more and more of our energy to keep them in check. And do you think this makes us more or less adaptable and creative?

Trying to stop ourselves from feeling vulnerable feelings, not stopping to rest when we need to, not crying when we need to – these are the kinds of things that make us brittle and the VERY OPPOSITE OF RESILIENT.

When I say resilience means we can deal with whatever happens, learn from it and move forward, that most definitely does not mean “don’t feel feelings or stop to rest”.

When we know all feelings are safe, we are naturally resilient and able to respond to what’s happening in the moment. Remember the resilient baby learning to walk who just cries when they need to, and then carries on learning? That baby hasn’t yet learned a made-up story that some feelings are acceptable and others aren’t.

“Resilience for All” guides participants to discover for themselves that feelings are really nothing to fear, no matter how uncomfortable they can seem at the time. This goes a huge way to waking young people up to their natural resilience and how much more alive we feel when we are connected to it.

Teachers in Scotland: The programme is also cross-referenced for Curriculum for Excellence* Health and Wellbeing experiences and outcomes, and feedback from pilot schools confirms that it addresses the Four Capacities. For any of us, being connected to natural resilience makes it a lot more likely that we will conduct ourselves in ways that would have others describe us as Successful Learners, Confident Individuals, Effective Contributors and Responsible Citizens. Please sign up here for a free Resilience Lesson Pack and a free Resilience Assembly Pack.

#mentalhealthawarenessweek #resilience #mentalhealth #schools #education

*Disclaimer: Please visit the Education Scotland website to view the full Curriculum for Excellence document. The claim that this programme addresses the Health and Wellbeing curriculum as well as the Four Capacities central to Curriculum for Excellence is based on the opinion of the programme creator as an experienced teacher and on feedback from pilot schools.